Volume Control

I've been to the refrigerator four times already. It's only 8:30 in the morning. It's a mindless habit, reaching for the handle and scanning the contents.

I asked for a recommitment chip at yesterday's OA meeting. It was a necessary step to guide me back to Program.

It's different today than before. Before, I wasn't even conscious of how many times food drew me to the shelves and cupboards of my kitchen. I ate frequently, whether happy, bored, stressed, sad, worried. The pounds piled up over the years until I reached a weight that shocked me. There they were, on the bathroom scales, those numbers that screamed Enough! Stop!

Today, I've managed to shut the door on the sweet offerings of the refrigerator, or at least postpone until later.

I'm learning about volume control. Not just the volume dial on a loud TV, but a quantity volume control. Less food equals less me, so I dusted off the food scale. I let it add up the ounces of food spooned into my mouth. It feels good not to eat to the point of bursting. Bending over is easier already.

Come to think of it, this volume control does double duty, even silencing the noises of reproach in my head. I can hear the good voices more clearly. They are the encouraging voices from OA that follow me through the minutes and hours of Program when I can't even think about focusing on a whole day.

I'm turning this volume control up to LOUD!